it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
