I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
