I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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