mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
