I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
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National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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