He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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