i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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