a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
