he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
