I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
23 People Confess The Trashiest Thing They’ve Seen In Person
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
19 Transgender People Reveal The First Sign That They Were Trans
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
did you just send me my own nude
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.