I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help