Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
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I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!