No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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