have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
