I cockslap morals
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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