Can i not drive my cunt home
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize