i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I didn't notice because vodka
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
