Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
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