im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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