PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
