it wasn't lemon gatorade
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
