im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
