I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
