So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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