I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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