Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
