If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
