My first STD was from a foam party
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
