doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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