i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
