So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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