I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
