So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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