I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
