I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Randomize
