i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
