The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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