dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
