So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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