in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
