If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
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We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
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She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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