Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
She's like a pop up book from hell.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I think a kid would responsible me up
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
