I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
he puts the penis in happiness.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
