She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
