Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
