I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I skipped work to stalk him.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
