I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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