why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
