he puts the penis in happiness.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
