Kiss
Puke
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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