Are we in a gay sports bar?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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