saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
