please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
