Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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