There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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