I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
