there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
